**Weird Milestone Alert**
Yesterday marked 100 days of
"homelessness" for me.
For those of you who don't know, I'm
not homeless in a "living under a bridge" kind of way, but still
homeless in a very real sense. 100 days ago, there was a fire in the place I'd
called "home" for nearly 5 years and I've been displaced ever since.
A few BEFORE photos:
I'd just finished about a year of painting and redecorating before the fire...getting the place exactly how I wanted it.
And...AFTER:
Yeah, so...
I lived in a hotel for the first two months, which was equal parts weird and
difficult with a smattering of awesome, like someone making your bed every day.
#winning.
This month, I've been in a corporate apartment, which is mostly a
downgrade from where I was with three exception: a King Size bed, a soaker tub,
and a washer/dryer just for me.
On the surface, one might be tempted to
think this whole thing has been like an extended, paid vacation.
It hasn't.
There have been many blessings in the
midst of this, of course, and things I've enjoyed, but, it's also altered the
way I do life (at least for the time being) and had some unexpected
side-effects that have been kind of difficult. So, to commemorate this not-so-auspicious
occasion and have a little something to look back on later and feel thankful
for "all the way the Lord has led me"...I give you a few fun facts
about being homeless, kinda.
1. You eat a lot more pasta, probably
more than is reasonable. When your life is in a tizzy, but you still want to be
“responsible” and cook instead of doing drive-thru every night, there's not
much easier than boiling water and waiting 10 minutes for dinner to be ready.
Plus, it's super cheap. So, my homeless go-to dinner was buttered noodles or
Kraft Mac & Cheese. Is the "homeless 15" a thing? If not, it is
now. Officially.
2. It takes you three times longer to
do pretty much everything. Because you're basically living out of a suitcase,
in unfamiliar surroundings, and all of your routines are just a jumble of you
trying to put pieces of your old routine together into a new routine. But, you
have to think before you reach for/do anything...every time. Where is my purse
today? Where are my clean underwear? Do I put sunscreen on before or after
moisturizer? (As you're putting on lipstick) Did I brush my teeth? (Gathers items
needed for a task and begins only to remember one crucial item is in another
room) Dangit! Why am I such an idiot these days?
3. You forget, misplace, drop, fall
behind in, and generally mess things up...a lot...consequently, feeling like an
idiot and a mess most of the time.
4. You're also often late for things,
even though you'd normally be 15 minutes early.
5. You're tired more often. Problems
sleeping out, uncomfortable beds, foreign noises and upstairs neighbors who are
either sleep walkers or have very tiny bladders all conspire against your
sleep. If you manage to make it through your homelessness without hallucinating
or having a total nervous breakdown from sleep deprivation, consider yourself
very fortunate...and totally primed to have a newborn or a puppy in your new
home, once you find one.
6. You really, really miss that old
mattress you wanted to replace right before it was carted off to storage with
98% of your other worldly possessions.
7. You really, really miss your
vanity/morning getting ready routine.
8. Moving your few remaining
possessions around from place to place is not fun and you often contemplate
tossing most of it out just to avoid having to pack and haul it all again.
9. You realize you don't need as much
stuff as you thought you did...except when it comes to makeup and skincare, then
you always need more.
10. You learn that you are far more
adaptable than you realized.
11. You come to believe completely and passionately,
that Insurance Companies are, in fact, the Devil, and Insurance Adjusters
probably have to sell their souls just like Keanu Reeves in that lawyer movie
with Al Pacino. (#slightexaggerationforeffect)
12. For so many reasons, you find that
everything cost more.
13. You frequently calculate the
replacement cost of all of the things that couldn’t be stored or salvaged.
14. You wish your job required a
uniform because then people wouldn’t bat an eye at you wearing the same outfit
over and over and over again. #has5outfitsrightnow
15. If you’re from the New Orleans
area, you feel that same sense of unease and loss and (#pressesbackofhandtoforeheadandtiltsheadback)
“whatever will become of me?!?!” that you had in the weeks following Hurricane
Katrina.
16. You sigh a lot more.
17. You have your first-ever panic
attack. It isn’t fun.
18. You learn that you could REALLY get
used to having maid service.
19. You may or may not become addicted
to Trolli Eggs.
20. You take up making videos on
YouTube. For real! #science!
21. No matter how much you try to get a
routine going and be normal, you just never, ever feel settled.
22. You pretty much always wind up
crying at some point when talking to pushy vendors or insurance company reps.
23. You realize that having a
dishwasher is a necessity, not a preference.
24. You realize that most people will
forget you're homeless or think you're having some sort of fun extended vacation...and
find that that's kind of a bummer.
25. You realize you can still be
hospitable and serve others, no matter what your “home” is/looks like.
26. You become a bit more thankful for
the little things...when you're not being a whiney hiney, of course.
27. Some of the things that were big
issues in your life prior to your homelessness, suddenly aren’t.
28. Pedicures just never happen.
29. You think about eating clean or
starting to exercise again, but those thoughts quickly get pushed aside by
weightier concerns like "where am I going to live?" and "how do
I get the insurance company to stop stressing me out?" and "Why does
the person who lives upstairs have to walk around so much...at 3am?!?!"
30. You’re even more thankful for your
faith, without which, you’d certainly have become the hottest of hot messes
throughout this whole ordeal.
Life, as I knew it, is weirder and
harder and I don't know when it will settle down again, but, I do know this:
“He knows the way that I take; when he has tried me, I
shall come out as gold.” Job 23:10