Day 30: #FAQ

Well, readers and friends, the #30daysofred experiment is over. I may post a summary of the month at some point when I'm feeling more introspective and less emotional than I am today, but, in the meantime, here are a few FAQs that should answer many of your nagging questions.

I don't feel like reading all of your other posts, so, can you just tell me what the whole #30daysofred was about? Oh, and by the way, who is Fred?
(cough)#yourelazy(cough) I mean, um, Hi...I guess. Thanks for asking? First, there is no Fred. Well, I mean, there ARE Fred's out there in the wide world, I suppose. Do people still name people "Fred?" Well, if not baby Freds, I'm sure there are Old men named, Fred, maybe even some ladies, and for sure some dogs. My friend once had a dog named Fred who was kind of a maniac. He ate hot bacon right out of the skillet as it was cooking. There's also Fred Willard who is a pretty funny dude. And, of course, Drop Dead Fred, if you believe in imaginary friends/people. But, my #30daysofred isn't about them, or any Fred, really. It is about RED, as in 30 Days of Red. One day, I wore a red outfit with red lipstick and red nails and I was a giddy sassypants all day. So, after a particularly trying month, I decided I'd wear something red, even if it was just lipstick or nail polish, every day for 30 days in the hopes of having at least a few moments of feeling like a giddy sassy pants each day. And, then, I blogged about it semi-regularly, and took a lot of selfies. A lot. Some people seemed to enjoy it (Hi Mom and (insert random FB friend, here).

Did wearing red REALLY make you happier?
What an obvious excellent question! Well, after crunching the numbers, it appears that the red was most effective between the hours of 6:30am and 7:30am Monday - Friday and also showed a significant spike at 5:30pm Monday - Thursday and 1130am on Fridays...which also coincides with the time just before arriving at work and the time I typically leave work. So...I may need to run the numbers again, accounting for the whole "not having to be at work euphoria" thing. I'll get back to you on that.

How many tubes of red lipstick do you own?
About 12. I really like red lipstick. 
I know you're shocked by that personal revelation.
What's your favorite red nail polish?
I was hoping someone would ask this question!! My most favorite red nail polish of all time is Rapid Red by Sally's part of their Insta-Dry line. It is the prettiest, happiest shade of red, dries super fast (which is important if you're like me and always have a need to fish something out of your purse or wash dishes or weed a garden immediately after polishing your nails) and is pretty shiny even without a top coat. The best part is, it doesn't cost $8 or $9 dollars and lasts pretty well, too! #notanad

Where does your red hair come from?
The drugstore. Loreal #6R - Light Auburn...because life's too short to walk around with dishwater blonde hair. #imworthit

Don't you have a life?
Yes. Of course. But, it is mostly online and via text. Shut up...that does too still count.

Are you medicated?
I am self-medicated, but like with nachos and chocolate, not anything hardcore like "the drugs." I grew up in the 80s and learned to "Just say no."

Follow-up question: What is wrong with you? 
First of all, #rude. But, I feel like that is one of those questions you might get at an interview where they ask you to list your weaknesses just to make you say bad things about yourself. But, any good interviewee knows you just say really good things (#lies) about yourself to try and impress the interviewer. So, I'll answer this question that way... I'm often too hilarious. I care too much about people that I love. I am, at times, too adorable and delightful. I am also unapologetically sarcastic.

Are you 12? 
Your mom is 12.

Have you ever been in love? 
Yes. Many times. Madly. Deeply. But, it was usually with a character in a movie or a plate of just never worked out.

What is your dream man like? 
John Goodman.

Why are you still single?
Are you patronizing me? Have you seen me? Let’s just say, if people were geographic regions, I’d need my own zip code, and guys tend to like girls who are more like cute little villages that aren’t even big enough to have their own police force. Slimsville - population 100-105.

What's your favorite movie?
I’ve never had one favorite anything. Not one favorite color. Not one favorite song. Not one favorite book. Not one favorite example of things I don’t have one favorite of. But, to answer the question at hand…The grown-up response would be: "The Color Purple." That movie guts me. Every. Time. In fact, I can only watch it once every 12-1/2 years because it takes me that long to emotionally recover. But, my "real" favorite movie would be a four-way tie between: Encino Man, Drop Dead Fred, Napoleon Dynamite and Nacho Libre.

What's your favorite color?
You'd think that would be obvious on account of the whole #30daysofred thing. But, surprise twist, I'm a complex person. As I mentioned in the answer above, I’ve never had one favorite anything in my entire life. I do love red. It makes me happy in a special way, but I also really love turquoise and yellow a lot, too. I mean, I guess it depends on context, as well. For example, if I'm looking for a dress, well usually I'd go for black on account of still believing the whole “black is slimming” lie. (I've worn head to toe black and still looked ginormous. So, I've concluded that black is only slimming on slim people and all fashion people are liars. #totallyreasonable) Ok, so if I'm looking for a shirt, I'll go for jewel tones. If I'm looking for lipstick or nailpolish or hair dye, or desk accessories, red is definitely my default. If I'm looking for jewelry or purses, I always gravitate towards the aqua or turquoise. If I'm decorating my kitchen or wanting to buy flowers, yellow will win more than any other color. In fact, I'm writing a book on which color I prefer in any and every fashion or decorating situation. It will be titled "No One Cares: A love story."

Are you related to Tina Fey or Tina Turner or Teena Marie or Tina Louise? 
Um...that's not how that works.

Was the song "Every Little Thing She Does is Magic" written about you?
Yes. #duh

Do you believe in aliens?
Not really. I mean, anything is possible, but, I’m not holding out any hope of finding a adorably ugly alien bff in the woods who I’ll then bring home to live in my closet and eat Reese’s Pieces. But, I also don’t believe in Dubai or Quinoa…so what do I know?

Are you Rob Base?
If I had a nickle for every time I was asked this question… But, no. Though, I pretty much always wanna rock right now and always come to get down and am known to rock a microphone, I AM, however, Internationally, I can't possibly be Rob Base.

Who is Rob Base?
Well, Grandma, Rob Base is a rapper from the 90s. He, and his partner DJ EZ Rock, are most famous for this song, the lyrics of which are cleverly quoted in the answer above.
I’ll leave you now to enjoy the rhymes of Mr. Base. #yourewelcome

Thanks for playing along these past 30 days.

Until next time, readers…

Peace, love and red lipstick,